Receiving Feedback: Portrait of the Artist as a Young Woman: Part 1

BACKGROUND

“Do you not know that I am a woman?  When I think, I must speak.”
[1]

Performing Identities:

Theatre Director Michael Barakiva introduced us to concepts of Performing Identities, in our first ‘Core’ class at UC Davis.  Through showcasing his personal preoccupation with identity, he encouraged us to do the same.  I began to be aware of the myriad of roles I play, and furthermore, how specific roles (that of actor and playwright) are colored by gender.  I began to examine a challenge I’ve had in believing that my work as a playwright can be ‘understood’ by my male mentors (in the UK), in whom I have witnessed a desire to push my work into the linear/literal.  Their critiques seem to express a preference for hugely dramatic events (high action).  How to receive feedback from people viewing our work through the lens of their own bias? 

In sifting through their words for ‘truth kernels’, I discover that my beloved male mentors in the UK are right when they identify an issue, but frequently prescribe a remedy that doesn’t fit my aesthetic or intention.  While at UC Davis, I had access to a wide range of feedback for my work for the first time.  During the intensely two years of the MFA, I learned to use feedback more efficiently: I compile it and puzzle through it, excited when I realise how apparently different bits of feedback seem to point to the same issue.   I couldn’t proceed effectively in my work as an artist without mentors, audience and friends who are willing to act as ‘an outside eye’.  In this manner, all of my work feels collaborative.  I am interested that the women in my life who currently critique my work tend to do so by questioning, rather than critique, which I find extremely useful.  I attempt to emulate this myself by supporting fellow artists and friends with more questions and less opinions in general.  

Further on gender: inhabiting UC Davis alerted me to a particular discomfort I habitually experience in hierarchical environments.  Class reading material on gender, imbibed in this institution has further awakened my awareness.  I note that my discomfort with hierarchy appeared to be shared by the women in the group, who tended to seek lateral collaboration.  I began to reflect on my past life as a woman and a woman artist.  I became ignited by statistics: women are radically under-employed in theatre by a ratio of 2:1.  Thus emerged the desire to contextualize this shared experience in Possession, and to realize a potential as actor-writer to create work for myself.